Skipulator

This game is a work of silliness all similarities to Skip the internet gremlin are purely coincidental i swear ok? [[Begin|1]] Settings: Change Name: (input: bind $name, "=X=", "Skip") Set Pronouns (cycling-link: bind $gender, "They/Them", "She/Her", "He/Him")

(set: $status to 0)\ (set: $crab to it +1)\ Skip is now a crab. This is pretty fucking awesome, all things considered. $genderc are pretty much the same as normal, but have a cool shell and two cute eyestalk thingies. Unfortunately, as a crab, Skip immediately leaves to hang for the beach and sit in the sand, leaving you in the lurch. By the time you catch up to $genderp2, $genderp's firmly dug in, and have made an impregnable sandcastle fortress to repel all intruders. Seeking parlay, you manage to negotiate admittance into the domain of the crab, and spend the rest of the day digging big holes and then filling them up again. [[Soon, the afternoon approaches.|2]]

(set: $status to 2)\ (set: $reg to it +1)\ $name remains $name, a safe and reliable choice. But also rather boring. Seeing as nothing has changed, the two of you mostly just chill. $name explains a piece of historical trivia that is both obscure and largely irrelevant to everything, switches topics 3-5 times, tries to develop a social theory, gives up, and then you watch some anime together. It's nice, in its own way. [[Soon, the afternoon approaches.|2]]

The day has been going wonderfully so far, $name (cond: $status is 0, "has emerged from $genderp2 sandy abode", $status is 1, "has finished fighting off the last of the deadly wildlife", $status is 2, "has finally stopped disassociating", "SOMETHING WENT WRONG") and the two of you are standing outside the local Entertainment and Goods Acquisition Centre. What fun activity would you like to do? [[Let's watch a movie!|movie]] || [[Time to purchase weird shit|shop]] || [[To the arcade!|arcade]]

All in all, the afternoon was a success. $name (cond: $loca is 0, "was very pleased with the picture, (if: $status is 0)[even if there weren't enough crustacean cameos.](if: $status is 1)[despite its clear 'anti-antipodean bias.'] (if: $status is 2)[Even if $genderp spent the entire time making side jokes.]", $loca is 1, "was pretty happy with the store haul, (if: $status is 0)[munching on a yummy coconut fiber as you leave](if: $status is 1)[studiously sorting through the mountain of tourist crap you acquired.](if: $status is 2)[and has already cracked open a monster to celebrate buying more monsters.]", $loca is 2, "enjoyed $genderp2 time at the arcade,(if: $status is 0)[despite failing utterly at the claw game.](if: $status is 1)[even if there were no opportunities to display obnoxious patriotism.](if: $status is 2)[especially since $genderp kicked your ass at Daytona.]", "SOMETHING WENT WRONG") With the night having arrived, you now have to make a choice about your final skiptivity of the day. [[Time for a night out on the town!|out]] || [[Let's cook something homemade|in]] || [[...Pizza?|pizza]]

(track: 'skipsong', 'loop', true)\ (track: 'skipsong', 'playwhenpossible')\ (track: 'skipsong', 'volume', 0.1)\ Your name is not $name, however, the person in front of you IS $name! $name is a weird little creature, prone to many '$name-sonas,' which range from the sexy to the irascible, but $name doesn't know what kind of $name to be! what $name should $name be today? [[A crabby hermit crab.|crab1]] || [[A true blue Australian.|aus1]] || [[Actually, regular ole' $name is fine|reg1]]

(set: $night to 2)\ When all else fails, pizza is there. Warm, greasy, bad for you in the long run but deceptively comforting, like an old ex with bad hygiene. $name (cond: $status is 0, "chooses a disgustingly looking and even more disgustingly overpriced shrimp pizza, and ends upo only eating the toppings,", $status is 1, "picks out some sort of limited-timed vegemite pizza which smells awful and tastes worse,", $status is 2, "gets a meatlovers, which is very boring, but $genderp makes up for it by paying for extra garlic bread,", "SOMETHING WENT WRONG") while you content yourself with a classic pepperoni and pineapple. Lounging around and eating straight from the box like modern-day Roman emperors, (cond: $loca is 0, "you reenact the final scene of the movie saw with pizza in your mouths, which somehow adds to the emotional pathos.", $loca is 1, "you experiment with your grocery haul to customise your pizza, and it turns out baked beans are actually disgusting on a pizza base.", $loca is 2, "you discuss your eventual rematch at the arcade, promising antes and quality dares to the winner of the bout.", "SOMETHING WENT WRONG") It's a lovely evening, even if it is incredibly lazy and likely to make you feel sick in the morning. But that's the morning's issue, [[for now, you call it a night.|4]]

(set: $night to 1)\ After a long day of (cond: $loca is 0, "staring at a screen with your big ole eyes", $loca is 1, "purchasing goods and/or services", $loca is 2, "playing games with interactive elements (such as clicking on buttons)", "SOMETHING WENT WRONG"), it's time to reward yourselves with a relaxing night in. (cond: $status is 0, "$name assembles pillow cave on the couch, and the two of you eat a delicious fruit salad while talking about the merits of sand as a building material", $status is 1, "$politely enjoys the pasta dish, but is insistent on bringing out a wide variety of what $gender insist$s are 'traditional australian desserts,' such as lamingtons, tim tams, and another serving of the original meal", $status is 2, "$name keeps interrupting your spaghetti dinner by showing you funny tiktoks that mostly revolve around something called 'Bionicles,' whatever that is", "SOMETHING WENT WRONG"). While you're happy it was success, your mind is slightly distracted by the small house-fire that is off-screen in the kitchen. After a liberal application of pressurised nitrogen to the affected area and a shared agreement on cleanup duties, [[you call it a night.|4]]

(set: $night to 0)\ Who's ready for a night on the town?! $name is, (cond: $status is 0, "Despite much preferring a night on the beach.", $status is 1, "as long as the restaurant isn't Outback Steakhouse.", $status is 2, "and is hoping that that night out contains a burger.", "SOMETHING WENT WRONG")The two of you pick a fine restaurant, 'Casa del Food,' a local favourite and a charming combination of fine dining with homely comfort. The two of you discuss (cond: $loca is 0, "the merits of modern cinema in the 21st century", $loca is 1, "the varying scourges of capitalism", $loca is 2, "why air hockey is the best table game", "SOMETHING WENT WRONG") and other important questions of life, before being served a delicious meal of Food(TM), which is nutritious and 100% edible. Enjoying the vibe for a while. The two of you platonically hold hands and listen to Matchbox 20 on the dingy wall radio. [[And with that, you call it a night.|4]]

Though the time you spent with $name was short, you wouldn't change it for the world, unless you would like to replay the game and appreciate all my painstaking condition writing of course. As the two of you (cond: $night is 0, "pay the bill", $night is 1, "clean the dishes", $night is 2, "wipe the grease stains off your clothes", "SOMETHING WENT WRONG") and you wave goodbye to (cond: $status is 0, "your crabby companion", $status is 1, "your Australian Acquaintance", $status is 2, "your hoodie-wearing homie", "SOMETHING WENT WRONG"), you return to your semi-charmed $name-less life. As time goes by, you fondly recall the wonderful adventures you had together, with your (cond: $loca is 0, "faded ticket-stub", $loca is 1, "overly-long shopping receipt", $loca is 2, "novelty sticky-hand prize", "SOMETHING WENT WRONG") as a cherished memento of that singular day. You resolve to spend more time with $name once $genderp serve$s their manslaughter charge, so the two of you can spend another beautiful day together. [[The End.|End]]

Thank you for playing. There will be no links because this game is an embarassment to my soul. I hope you liked it! -Skip (link:"Start over")[(restart:)]

(set: $status to 1)\ (set: $aus to it +1)\ $name is now insufferably Antipodean, and there's nothing you can do. Donning a dollar-store Akubra and skewering you with a horribly inauthentic "G'day Mate!" $genderc offer$s you a ride on $genderp2 kangaroo to make a trip up to the Sunny Coast. There, the two of you melt in the horrible humidity and are nearly eaten by spiders. Luckily, $name beats them off with an oversized Kukri while saying "Stone the flaming crows!" It's kinda awful. [[Soon, the afternoon approaches.|2]]

Double-click this passage to edit it.

(set: $name to "Skip")

(if: $gender is "He/Him")[ (set: $genderc to "He") (set: $genderp to "he") (set: $genderp2 to "him") (set: $s to "s")] (else-if: $gender is "She/Her")[ (set: $genderc to "She") (set: $genderp to "she") (set: $genderp2 to "her") (set: $s to "s")] (else-if: $gender is "They/Them")[ (set: $genderc to "They") (set: $genderp to "they") (set: $genderp2 to "their") (set: $genderp3 to "them") (set: $s to "")]

(set: $loca to 0)\ Opting for some ocular entertainment, the two of you get in line to enjoy the dying remnant of a once-beloved viewing medium: the cinema. (cond: $crab is 1, "Owing to $genderp2's crabby nature, $name picks a nautical adventure film, filled with piracy and romance on the high seas. $genderc boo$s whenever the characters spend too much time on land and snip$s appreciatively at the extended beach filler scene.", $aus is 1, "Mercifully, there is not a single Australian-made or based film for $name to subject you to, so instead you see a Western, which is like an Australian movie, but better and with less Baz Luhrmann. $name refuses to take $genderp2 akubra off inside the theatre.", $reg is 1, "The two of you see the latest historical thriller, and $name loudly nitpicks about the various inaccuracies depicted throughout the whole movie while munching on smuggled-in snackeries, nearly getting you both kicked out.", "SOMETHING WENT WRONG") Leaving the shopping centre/mall/entertainment district/forgotten sphere of capitalism, you stand outside in the great wide world [[as the sun sets.|3]]

(set: $loca to 1)\ Looking to procure some goods, you brave your wallets and enter the everything-store. (cond: $crab is 1, "$name demands you buy $genderp3 delicious coconut slices, even though everyone in the world hates coconut slices. To mollify, you instead purchase 8-10 pairs of shoes and a big bag of sand. This has financially bankrupted you.", $aus is 1, "$name immediately drags you to the gift shop, and foists tacky gift after tacky gift into your shopping cart, beginning with a boomerang doorstop and ending with a kangaroo testicle coin pouch. All of it is vastly overpriced and largely in poor taste.", $reg is 1, "While you wander the grocery aisles, $name starts stacking up 4-packs of Monster Energy(TM) in your trolley, one of each flavour 'for optimum taste distribution.' You can do nothing but watch the tragedy unfold.", "SOMETHING WENT WRONG") You are now destitute in capital but rich in (dubious) material wealth, this successful achievement of Marxist praxis concludes the afternoon, and you leave the shopping centre [[as the sun sets.|3]]

(set: $loca to 2)\ Seeking adventure and victory, you journey to the glowing kaleidescope of colours that is The Arcade.(cond: $crab is 1, "$name is fascinated by the various fishing, smacking, and claw games, but is sadly inept and enraged by all of them. You console $genderp2 by winning a stuffed toy of indeterminated identiy, which is promptly turned into a pile of stuffing.", $aus is 1, "$name scoffs at the various machines on display, deriding them as 'poor imports' lacking 'local flavour,' which makes absolutely no sense since Australia doesn't make Arcade games. Compromising, you take turns beating each other's high scores on a Crocodile Dundee-themed pinball machine. $name flounces your sorry ass.", $reg is 1, "$name doesn't particularly gravitate towards any specific machine, but does spend a lot of time complaining about the inflation rate of tickets-to-prize conversion. However, as soon as $genderp spot$s the Daytona Usa offering, a venerable 20-year-old game with the graphics and sensibilities of a general anesthetic haze, it's game time. You do 50 laps of the Daytona circuit before security kicks you out for sweating up the chairs.", "SOMETHING WENT WRONG") With The Arcade closing and night on arrival, you regroup to the outside world [[as the sun sets.|3]]

showControls: false

skipsong: ./audio/skipsong.ogg

skipsong: file:///D:/Documents/twine/skipulator/audio/skipsong.ogg